


... Two more shall take its place. Or at least look with confusion.

by The_Marron



Series: Hydra- verse [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humour, Hydra for the win, Multi, seriously, you cannot treat it seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 17:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1656878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Marron/pseuds/The_Marron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agents of HYDRA deal with changes ' Captain America: Winter Soldier' brought to their lives.</p><p>Full of spoilers for the movie. Full of references. Full of everything aside from sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	... Two more shall take its place. Or at least look with confusion.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arw](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Arw).



The whole Triskelion debacle was deeply unpleasant, to say the least. Even though it certainly proved that SHIELD wasn't as blind as they suspected, it didn't t help their cause. Now, thanks to one unnerving Nazi who entered Matrix, not only HYDRA, but also SHIELD were done. If Zola in his Bond moment of villainous bragging hadn't betrayed their secret, HYDRA agents after disbanding their in-SHIELD fraction, would just join SHIELD's ranks and carried on. But nooo, he had to tell them _everything_.

Agent Night was sulking. And he was man enough to admit it, despite all of these calumnies Agent Hush spread around their agency. He liked his job, dammit!

Frowning and scaring people with his face, he moved through streets, sipping aggressively his tea. From Starbucks. Because apparently he was a college student now. Or a hipster. Or both. Definitely not an agent of SHIELD anymore.

But he was still HYDRA.

That's why, still fuming he was making his way to Hellova Pizza, HYDRA- created pizzeria where all remaining agents were supposed to meet to discuss 'what the hell should we do next'. Finally, after he helped three tourists find their hotel, brought lost girl to her mum and informed one confused Clint Burton that SHIELD was no more ( Agent Burton reacted with a dumb-found silence and checking his mission report. The date of its accomplishing suggested that two days ago agent Burton still had a job. Now it suggested that he was as jobless as Agent Night was. In a surge of sympathy, he gave Burton the rest of his tea. Hawkeye thanked him and with a Starbucks cup in his hand walked away.), Agent Night reached his destination.

After greeting the owner, he went to HYDRA's usual booth. He was welcomed by everyone from his unit and no one from STRIKE. Apparently, those agent's limbs were not able to grow back after being crushed by a building. Well, the founders of HYDRA did not foreseen such way to go. Now, when Night thought about it, during WWII getting your head cut off was bizarre as well, but Schmidt really needed some Greek metaphor.

His first idea was Jormungard, but the rest of founders figured he was lying their Nordic inspiration too thick. Also, HYDRA was supposed to be international and not everyone could pronounce a mouthful which was Jormungard.

Still, Hydra's heads that wore STRIKE tattoos haven't grown back yet. Agent Night looked at the few survivors.

There were three guys from Disinformation branch whose files were not in the database, so they haven't been compromised and could freely argue about merits of Hawaiian pizza over Pepperoni. From Beam Squad (Transportation unit) the whole cast was present and as always together - three pilots, four drivers and two sailors were sitting at the end of the table playing rock-scissors-paper-Fury-Angry Russian to decide what they want to order. These people were always close and they usually won dancing competition within HYDRA ranks. Bastards. But Night was happy that they weren't in database either. Agent Hush waved at him and returned to her conversation with Agent Crumpet. Agent Cupid ( whose name was Jorge but his looks screamed differently), being the third in list of 'The Best Things HYDRA stole from Scandinavia' looked pretty bored with lack of attention. He, Agent Hush, Agent Crumpet, Agent Cupid. They were the last ones of 007 ( Espionage Unit). They were too new to make a lasting imprint on data. They were safe. For now.

"Morning, everybody" he called and earned enthusiastic replies from the rest of agents. He sat down next to Agent Hush.

"Are we waiting for someone else?" he inquired, reaching for menu.

"Well... We are still not sure whether someone from Babel was luckily overlooked in data. Maybe some newcomer who hasn't done any digital translation yet. Ironically, our Q-branch is all done for. They didn't erase themselves from files Widow gave to public. They are hiding now, at least those who weren't captured already." Answered Agent Hush. She looked worried.

"What about the rest of us? What about branches overseas? And recruits?" Since no one else seemed to be interested in anything aside if their future orders, Agent Night figured that either they already knew before, or this question has been already discussed. "They are safe, no one will look for us in Switzerland. Upstairs is supposedly there as well." Answered Agent Crumpet with a stoic dignity.

"Suppozedly?"Implored Agent Cupid with his Nordic accent. He could speak English any way he wanted, but as he said during HYDRA movie night, with friends he didn't want to pretend. Everyone was so drunk at this point that no one opposed to being his friend and it stuck.

Agent Night was deeply moved that despite their failure, Cupid saw them still as friends.

"Well... If we knew for sure where they were they wouldn't be our leaders, right? We are...or rather were, a secret organization." Answered Pilot Tempest, shaking her long, red hair. After Agent Romanov's press conference, Pilot Tempest seemed to have entered new levels of admiration for her, since the last time Agent Night saw her, namely week ago, she was a blonde.

"Secret organization within a secret organization. We wouldn't be stupid enough to have our leaders in American organization." Added proudly Agent Hoffman, He Who Shall Always Be Manly. Agent Hoffman was a proud member of Disinformation unit. He was proud mainly because he was the one who uploaded all of Tony Stark's sex tapes. It was all over the news so no one noticed that HYDRA have smuggled some parts of Stark's equipment away. Since then, Agent Hoffman proclaimed that 'his affinity for Disney movies proved nothing and that apparently he was manly enough to obtain those videos, so politely sod off'. The whole organization agreed and Agent Hoffman earned his title. And if someone noticed his Bambi t-shirt or Stitch plushie on his desk, they said nothing. Because Agent Hoffman was that manly and everybody feared him.

"Luckily for us, SHIELD doesn't change and they are pretty sure they have just destroyed us all" Said new voice and whole table ceased their chattering and looked at the three standing before them.

"Jakżeż się zdziwią, kiedy wychyniemy z głębin rozpaczy." Said Agent Slav, as always in a language no one has even heard of. But he sounded gleeful, so everyone pretended they understood.

"Si. Ché surpresa!"Piped Agent Latina, emitting grim satisfaction.

The Babel section has arrived.

Babel, or rather Translation section was a section that assembled the biggest assholes among linguists and taught them how to translate information and antagonize the rest of agents with unpronounceable words and sounds. Agent Slav, specializing in Slavic languages was exceptionally evil in that regard, so no one even tried to look up words he said.

The section at its best times consisted of specialists of Arabic, Asian, Baltic, Germanic, Roman, Slavic, and Ugro-finnish, two in each branch. Now, the almighty Babel was brought down to these three.

Agent Kloss, specializing in Germanic languages, Agent Slavic - the biggest sadist and awesome person who helped in acquiring Russian-speaking Winter Soldier, and petite Agent Latina, master of roman languages with additional training in Greek, ancient Greek, Latin and Hebrew for the thrill of it. Although all of them were brilliant, they were only three out of many. And that was all. Babel was no more.

"Good to see you." Said Agent Hush, hugging all three of them. Apparently she was the head of this meeting, not that Agent Night was surprised.

"Good to see all of you." Replied Agent Kloss, smiling at her. In Agent Night's personal opinion, Agent Kloss was almost as good as Black Widow. Of course, Agent Kloss was taller, had short black hair and dressed in red and wasn't really seen in the field, but she has the same air of charm and deadlines around her. It was no wonder that she was the head of Babel and that she made it unscathed.

She mentioned for her companions to bring another table and the Translation branch joined the rest of ex-SHIELD agents. As if summoned, a waitress appeared to take everyone's orders.

Five rounds of vicious rock-scissors-paper-Fury-Angry Russian later, everyone was more or less satisfied with their choice of pizza and waited for drinks. Agent Hoffman, who lost to Pilot Geronimo, was sulking manly in his chair. Only when Driving Agent Hunt (who growled at people when they addressed him as 'driver') bought him martini Agent Hoffman allowed himself to join the discussion. Let it be said, he did it in a very manly manner.

"Well... Since we are waiting for our drinks... Let us see who is present." Suggested Agent Hush. Agent Night agreed with her, silently. Not to encourage her too much. After all if she felt too confident as a leader, she would probably overthrow Upstairs.

"From Disinformation branch we have Hoffman, Noble and Echo." Agent Night looked their way. D-branch was pretty close with 007 branch, so he was familiar with most of their agents. He liked Hoffman with his lean figure, curly hair and too much love for animation. He admired his fierce temper and vengeful spirit hidden behind his boyish looks. That, and he was good at his job. If Agent Hush's suspicions were right, he had something going on with Driving Agent Hunt, but since he was so manly, no one dared to ask. Although he, and his two co-workers present now, namely Agent Echo and Noble were seen wearing their ' We ARE the D' t-shirts just after the Beam Squad (called that only by themselves, because, well, transportation ) was sighted in ' They want the D' ones. Agents of SHIELD were really confused. Ah, good, old times...

As for agents Noble and Echo, Agent Night did not know them very well. He knew they were women, because that was hard to miss, he knew that they were terrifying after more than five glasses of whiskey and that was all. He was closer with Quint and Quarc, since they too did not sing during karaoke nights, but now they were gone.

"From Transport branch..." She was interrupted by " Beam Squad!" shouted in unison by the right side of the table. Agent Hush was not easily deterred. " From the Transport squad we have everyone - Pilots Tempest, Geronimo and Maverick are present and kicking. Driving Agents Hunt, Ghost, Speedy and Khan are here as well, there would be a noticeable change of volume of they weren't. And Sailors Moon and Breeze..." "There should be a 'captain' there." Added Sailor Captain Breeze with a smile on her lips.

Agent Hush was looking positively murderous. Agent Night felt a swell of pride that she was his mentor once.

"... As you can see are present." She finished, with admirable self-control. Agent Night looked right. He did not know Transport section at all, since most of his time he spent wither with Hush or with Winter Soldier (or rather, camera directed at Winter Soldier, but, hey, semantics) so he saw them only on gatherings and they were usually too busy  antagonizing Disinformation to fraternize with new Espionage agents. All he knew were dry facts.

Pilot Tempest and Sailor Captain Breeze were sisters, Pilot Geronimo and Driving Agent Speedy were constantly marrying and divorcing each other, depending on who was winning in their 'near-death-experience competition'. Geronimo was now winning, because Speedy was shooting her very hurt looks. Agent Night was not going to even pretend that he understood.

Agent Ghost was asexual. Not, that it was the only way one could characterize her, but everyone knew that asexuals had world domination agenda, so it was widely known she would be Upstairs sooner or later. Apart from being asexual and bent on obtaining power, she was very talented in baking department. She was the one who provided every HYDRA birthday with a cake. If it wasn't for Agent Hush's stories, Agent Night would've never believed that this woman was capable of anything remotely dangerous. According to Hush's testimony, Chuck Norris would scream and run if he saw her behind the wheel.

Pilot Tempest was... She just was. And that was enough. She was the best of the best of the best. With honours. She was a muster smuggler who delivered multiple weapons from Russia after disbanding of Red Room and she was never tracked by SHIELD. She even brought, with help from her unit, the Winter Soldier. When he was almost awake. If anyone earned the title of True Badass ( the ceremony of giving True Badass statuettes is on 4th of July.) it was her.

And Agent Khan was a Jungle Book fan and did not believe that anything created after the Star Trek had any worth at all. At least he wasn't known for hating anime, especially those about magical girls from outer space. Sailor ' Don't Ever Call Me That' Moon was just unlucky.

As for Pilot Maverick... He had this name for a reason, not just because he saw Top Gun more than ten times (which he did, but not the point.)

" ... Well, we are happy that at least you three remained." Agent Hush's voice brought Night back to reality. He missed the long list of long lost linguists. He would have to live with that.

"And from Espionage Unit, out of twenty five agents, four of us remained. " Concluded Hush, looking at Crumpet and Cupid. The waitress returned accompanied by three men, all of them bearing pizzas and drinks.

"Now is not the time for fear. That comes later." Said someone from the right side of the table.

"Do you expect me to talk?" Replied someone from the same area.

"Oh no, Agent Hunt, I expect you to dine!" Agent Night looked at his once- mentor. She looked exhausted already. Out of loyalty, he gave her his pizza. He was so loyal, it truly amazed him.

With the arrival of food, any talk about the future was doomed to perish. HYDRA has its priorities after all.

 

"Maybe we should just go on with Agency, you know go legal?"

"Are you a moron? How can you go legal as a secret organization that spies people not for money?"

"Well, it's not like we can go and grow on SHIELD, because there's no SHIELD, Moony!" The whole table seemed to be engrossed in this sophisticated debate between agents Moon and Hoffman, maybe because of boredom, or maybe because neither of agents had slightest idea what to do next and before voicing his or hers own opinion decided to see how stupid others' ideas were. Judging from faces, this one was pretty stupid.

"Ekhm." Attempted Agent Hush.

"... And so that no one will know it is us, we will change the name into Chimera!"

"Foolproof. Truly, foolproof. "Dead-paned agent Hunt.

"Ekhm." Attempted Agent Hush once again, this time louder.

"...and we can open an extreme taxi service! We will have money and influence..."

"... of alcohol, true..."

"If your trained icicle had killed Fury as it was supposed to, we wouldn't be having this conversation..."

"Leave Soldier out of this!" Growled Agent Night to Crumpet, who was on the verge of sending polish pilots to die for the patriotic cause, or so it seemed, since his last word registered by Night before mention of thee Soldier were along' we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills.' lines.

"... And we will have a lovely garden party and you are not invited!"

"Oh, really you..."

THUD!

Something heavy landed on the table. When everyone looked around, looking for the source of disturbance, they noticed that Agent Kloss had put one of her deadly high heels on the table. Or rather, she smashed the table with lethal force using her high heel.

"Now, we are going to listen to Valerie, Ja? Wir haben keine Zeit." Everyone settled down. Kloss wasn't shouting, but she didn't have to. everyone knew that German was serious. Dead serious. Possibly deadly serious.

"Thank you, my dear. Upstairs gave us instruction." She paused for the greater effect. "We are to blend in. Most of the SHIELD disbanded and went to FBI, CIA and Stark Industries. We should do so too. They will try to gather once again. Fury is alive, so he won't stop trying. Neither should we. We are HYDRA. You cannot kill us by cutting one head!"

"Technically, if you let the fire clean the wound, like Heracles... I'm shutting up now." Said Agent Echo, noticing the glare of Agent Hush.

"If SHIELD wants to play hide and seek, we will play with them. We will know where they are hiding. Because when they will think they are safe, that everything is alright, that they have found the perfect secret spot... We will be standing next to them." Agent night shivered. Hush could be frightening when she put her mind to it. If someone was to make a movie of them, she would make a fabulous villain. Not that any of them was a villain. They just believed in different means of achieving peace, but different doesn't mean evil. Everybody who watched 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' knows that.

"Let's split. We will have our people in every place old SHIELD has its people."

"You know, that whenever Fred says 'let's split up' something goes wrong?" Asked Agent Speedy.

"Yes. But they always catch the monster in the end."

" Thank God it is over." moaned Agent Hush, sipping Starbucks coffee and looking at Agent Night tiredly. "The worst part was the moment when everyone wanted to work for Stark Industries. Why? It's not like Stark even shows up there!"

"Maybe it's about Pepper." Supplied Night. He received amused glare.

"Don't think I haven't noticed. You didn't choose any option." Agent Night sighed. "To be honest, before my team was compromised, we have lost the Soldier." he confessed. "We... I know that he didn't fulfill his last mission, so we still have the chance to find him. It would be nice to have our asset back with us, don't you think?"

"True." Admitted Hush, sipping her drink pensively. They sat in silence.

"Where do you go?" He asked after a while.

"Well... Stark Industries of course." Agent Night was speechless.

"You... you cheated!" He hissed.

"Pirate." Was the answer and Hush winked at him.

"If you don't find your idol before Team ' Up All Night to Get Bucky' finds him, I have a nice spot for you in the company..." She started and a Agent Night felt a smile forming on his face. "You are incredible. The most incredible person I know. And I've met Agent Romanov." He says, and knows it is better than any teary thank you or ' you like me, you really like me' speech.

"Oh my... I'm better than Winter Soldier then?"

"Well... I cannot say I know him, I just take pictures of him, so he doesn't count..." If pure force of will could kill, Night would be dead for three seconds now.

The rest of the Meeting After the Meeting they've spent gossiping about Babel squad and possiblity of Agent Hoffman being in one of sex-tapes he published.

"You know, his hair are really distinctive, I'm almost certain it's him."

"I am still trying to get over the fact that you have watched this tape!"

"... For Science, Knight, for Science." That made him laugh.

"They call us 007 unit, you know?" He asked.

"Night... _We_ call ourselves 007, it would be hard not to notice."

"Unless you are SHIELD."

"Unless you are SHIELD." She agreed" But SHIELD has had 'if you see something, say nothing and drink to forget' policy for as long as I can remember, so it's not a surprise. It also isn't a surprise that former agent Hill was delighted to learn that I'll be working in the same company!"

"I like Maria Hill." Mused Night.

"I would judge you really hard if you didn't." They grinned at each other.

Their meeting was a beautiful remainder of their times in SHIELD, when everything was easy and the only thing that troubled you was whether you will manage to sneak the greeting into a conversation. Not that he was complaining. HYDRA was still strong and life was still beautiful. And it still had one very confused and photogenic soldier in it... He looked at his watch.

"Well... Time to go. I have a date with brainwashed Best Thing We Stole from Russians somewhere in hell." He said and smiled at Hush.

He stood up and walked to her to give her a hug. She stood up as well and when they embraced, she sneaked her new Stark Industries business card into his pocket. When he notices, and he will notice since he is the best trainee she'd ever had, he will be greeted with her name and surname, her position, and office number 4245 49372. Stark's employees still haven't noticed that such number cannot exist...Well, Stark is with SHIELD for some reason after all.

She watched him go with unusual feeling of fondness.

She was ready to leave when she felt that something was in her pocket as well.

Definitely a good trainee. She took it out and read it.

_Happy Tasty Cookie..............$ 4,99_

_Amaretto Muffin...............$ 3,99_

_Irish Coffee................$ 9,99_

_Lorelei's Tart..................$ 4,99_

_Huckleberry's Sandwich........ $ 6,99_

_Yoghurt 'Naturale'...............$2,99_

_Donut with berries.......$ 3,99_

_Raspberry Milkshake........$11,99_

_Americano........ $ 5,99_

_THANK YOU AND PLEASE VISIT AS AGAIN!_

_' My name is Night. Knight Night.'_

Best. Trainee. Ever.

With a smile on her face and receipt safely back in her pocket, she headed for her new work-place.

Being a HYDRA was truly pleasant.

**Author's Note:**

> This time, the blame goes to Arw. Deal with it, hon.


End file.
